Well, here it is, my first blog post. As a heads up to anyone who reads, I tend to write in a stream of consciousness so don't expect any grand throughline or calculated profundity.
This year has really been a wild one, from the bad- getting priced out of my amazing apartment and being forced to quit my job and move back in with my parents three hours away when I wasn't able to find a new place. Drama popping off in local market scenes that made me wanna take a step back and focus energies elsewhere, and just becoming isolated and far away from all my friends. It has been a hard adjustment in all honesty, especially having dealt with pretty bad depression and anxiety my whole life, which is well in hand now- go to therapy kids, shit rocks. The point of this mentioning is that last time I was really back in my hometown was when I was still in high school and in the midst of pretty bad trauma and all sorts of other fun stuff. So now, being back in town, and constantly being around old landmarks of trauma and sorrow and the people attached to it has been a very transformative experience.
Which brings us to the good this year, which has genuinely far surpassed any negatives this year. The first up being the aforementioned transformation and living amongst the basis of my traumas and being able to apply my therapy journey to it ex post facto- which has really healed a lot and made me start to appreciate this area more past the twisted, dark facade I had plastered upon in in the midst of my depression a decade ago now. So that's been pretty fucking rad.
Moving onto lighter stuff now, and getting back into the tabletop space- holy shit I still cannot believe that this community is a real thing. I just started to dip my toes back into the hobby space last summer, shortly after I had transitioned from having to leave my job into starting up my jewelry shop to have some sort of income. Which quick aside- this jewlery shop, which I started May of last year, has truly been a blessing. The people I meet through markets, from the fucking insanely creative makers, to the rad event hosts (shoutout to Brad from Oddmart, he's such a rad cat), and the people in the community that swing through to chat and see everything are all such beautiful people. These markets too have also help spur a renewed self confidence and self worth in myself and my work. Having working as a Bartender and Barista as most of my life- I realize in retrospect that a large part of my perceived self worth was attached solely to work and how well I was able to do what I was told and follow company policies and fit into the ideal employee mould- and not who I was as a person. So when I started doing markets, selling jewelry and art that I had designed and cast myself, and had people saying my work was really unique and stunning- and then spending their hard earned money on it, my mind was blown. People getting stoked about stuff that was borne out of my own mind and my own hand? People I know, who are struggling as much financially as I am, spending their money on MY stuff instead of more groceries for that week? Etc etc long story short it was an extremely humbling experience that made me realize I have value intrinsic to myself and the art I put into the world, and that my value isn't solely tied to how well I can make a latte art, how quickly I can pour that damn 12 shot cup of decaf espresso(Unhinged order), or how well I can talk down a pissed off customer from hucking a glass across the room after not liking the drink I told him he wouldn't like but ordered anyway- consequences be damned. It's has been an eye opening experience through and through.
Anyways, this post is getting kinda long so I'm going to cut it short here, and on the next post focus solely on the hobby stuff that has rocked my world over the past year. So anyways on the non- hobby side, this year has been beautifully blossoming into a new life chapter of renewal and growth borne out trauma and stagnation from various points of the past decade. A very cleansing time, and a time of thankfulness to be sure.
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