First post, burnout, and a year around the sun pt. 2

 Ok so now hard pivot into the hobby sphere- Hive scum, IRWT, Tanner Simpson, and Blood Red Blades.

    My first exposure into the sort punk side of the hobby- coming from the vanilla 40k player side of things, having just gotten a renewed interest in 40k after years of being out of the hobby with the start of 10th edition, was the Hive Scum podcast. It was a night after selling at a market, and I had been blasted with loud music all night so I had wanted some podcast action for the couple hour drive home. Looking up "Warhammer podcast" on Spotify, I kept scrolling through bland and blase podcasts until I saw one called Hive Scum. Decently cool name, old hammer vibes logo- good start. Scrolling down through the episodes to find a title that caught my attention- Scattered brains and tooth pinatas? That sounds kinda fucked up, lets listen. Then it was basically a firehose of hype the rest of the drive home- metal intro, discussing the build up to Brothers of Promethium, an INSANE game concept to me at the moment when my only reference for gaming was 40k and DND. I was hooked- learning that people were out there running games that I had DREAMED about when I was a little kid reading warhammer lore or getting hyped about the hella DIY killteam rules in the back of the 4th edition 40k rulebook. Learning that people were taking a DND approach to wargaming and focusing on stories and memories VS out-rules lawyering your opponent over a generic ass 40k battle was a pivotal moment for me. Then came Vastarian, Inq28, Turnip28, Miscast, Ericks Hobby Workshop, tons of these dope creators I had no idea about that were living the hobby dreams I had always imagined and aspired to create myself when I was a little kid. So I was diving deep on insta trying to follow all of these people that I could and reaching out and saying how dope and inspiring their work was- when all of a sudden Tanner Simpson replied.

    I don't recall exactly the details, but I had reached out cause his stuff is sick. Then we started chatting and I had mentioned that I was slowly getting into mini casting since the pivot from jewelry casting to minis is super easy. With no prompting at all, he just offered to send me a set of minis to cast to start up my mini lines. Which was such a trip for me. You mean this dude isn't gatekeeping his work? He's just gonna send me minis to cast and sell? He doesn't want any of the money I make off of them, and just wants a few sets for himself instead? Not gonna lie, whilst I readily accepted the offer, I definitely had some big red flags pop up in the back of my mind. Based off of previous experiences in other communities and organizations- no-one just does stuff for free. But long story short, it all went super well and Tanner is now legit one of my best friends in the scene and irl, and one of my fav people to collaborate with- which to anyone reading this, the WRCC10k terrain bits I sculpted for him for adcon are gonna be available soonish!

So anyways now I was hooked in the scene and had to go deeper. I'm getting tired of writing so I'm going to end things here and carry on in later posts with how I started to get into sculpting, and the support from the community that helped spur my creativity in the face of self doubt and a metric fuck ton of imposter syndrome(Which I still hella struggle with anytime I release soemthing new)

Also chat about my new hit tabletop wargame that has been sweeping the nation- Blood Red Blades ;) As well as Adepticon and how that is one of the most genuine and open groups of people I have ever had the pleasure of being around.

Also check out my shit at www.exobscuris.com and insta @exobscuris

see ya in pt.3

    

First post, burnout, and a year around the sun Pt. 1

     Well, here it is, my first blog post. As a heads up to anyone who reads, I tend to write in a stream of consciousness so don't expect any grand throughline or calculated profundity.

    This year has really been a wild one, from the bad- getting priced out of my amazing apartment and being forced to quit my job and move back in with my parents three hours away when I wasn't able to find a new place. Drama popping off in local market scenes that made me wanna take a step back and focus energies elsewhere, and just becoming isolated and far away from all my friends. It has been a hard adjustment in all honesty, especially having dealt with pretty bad depression and anxiety my whole life, which is well in hand now- go to therapy kids, shit rocks. The point of this mentioning is that last time I was really back in my hometown was when I was still in high school and in the midst of pretty bad trauma and all sorts of other fun stuff. So now, being back in town, and constantly being around old landmarks of trauma and sorrow and the people attached to it has been a very transformative experience. 

    Which brings us to the good this year, which has genuinely far surpassed any negatives this year. The first up being the aforementioned transformation and living amongst the basis of my traumas and being able to apply my therapy journey to it ex post facto- which has really healed a lot and made me start to appreciate this area more past the twisted, dark facade I had plastered upon in in the midst of my depression a decade ago now. So that's been pretty fucking rad. 

    Moving onto lighter stuff now, and getting back into the tabletop space- holy shit I still cannot believe that this community is a real thing. I just started to dip my toes back into the hobby space last summer, shortly after I had transitioned from having to leave my job into starting up my jewelry shop to have some sort of income. Which quick aside- this jewlery shop, which I started May of last year, has truly been a blessing. The people I meet through markets, from the fucking insanely creative makers, to the rad event hosts (shoutout to Brad from Oddmart, he's such a rad cat), and the people in the community that swing through to chat and see everything are all such beautiful people. These markets too have also help spur a renewed self confidence and self worth in myself and my work. Having working as a Bartender and Barista as most of my life- I realize in retrospect that a large part of my perceived self worth was attached solely to work and how well I was able to do what I was told and follow company policies and fit into the ideal employee mould- and not who I was as a person. So when I started doing markets, selling jewelry and art that I had designed and cast myself, and had people saying my work was really unique and stunning- and then spending their hard earned money on it, my mind was blown. People getting stoked about stuff that was borne out of my own mind and my own hand? People I know, who are struggling as much financially as I am, spending their money on MY stuff instead of more groceries for that week? Etc etc long story short it was an extremely humbling experience that made me realize I have value intrinsic to myself and the art I put into the world, and that my value isn't solely tied to how well I can make a latte art, how quickly I can pour that damn 12 shot cup of decaf espresso(Unhinged order), or how well I can talk down a pissed off customer from hucking a glass across the room after not liking the drink I told him he wouldn't like but ordered anyway- consequences be damned. It's has been an eye opening experience through and through.

    Anyways, this post is getting kinda long so I'm going to cut it short here, and on the next post focus solely on the hobby stuff that has rocked my world over the past year. So anyways on the non- hobby side, this year has been beautifully blossoming into a new life chapter of renewal and growth borne out trauma and stagnation from various points of the past decade. A very cleansing time, and a time of thankfulness to be sure.